How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

People-pleasing might not sound all that bad. After all, what’s wrong with being nice to people and trying to help them out or make them happy?

But people-pleasing generally goes beyond simple kindness. The dictionary defines it as “a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires.”

You might go out of your way to do things for the people in your life, based on what you assume they want or need. You give up your time and energy to get them to like you.

This is how people-pleasing can cause trouble. The urge to have the approval of others can be damaging when we allow other people’s wants to have more importance than our own needs.

Watch my video above on how to kick the habit of people-pleasing or read on for key highlights!

stop being people pleaser sign

Why People-Pleasing May Not be Your Fault After All 

From an early age, we learned that to survive, we needed to have the approval of others. It was necessary. You understand that, right? So, from infancy until our late teens, we thrive on that approval. Because if you don’t, you’re pretty well dead.

The problem is that most of us carry that need for approval – that “survival mechanism” – into adulthood. It just takes a different form.

So there’s nothing wrong with looking for approval. In some cases, it’s helpful.

But when that need for approval runs your life as an adult, it can hurt you. 

I’ve compiled a list of a few habits you might have if you’re a people-pleaser.

If any of these habits sound like you, I invite you to keep reading to learn how to train your mind to work FOR you instead of against you. 


Most of us carry a for approval into adulthood. There’s nothing wrong with looking for approval. In some cases, it’s helpful. But when that need for approval runs your life as an adult, it can hurt you. 
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3 Signs That You’re A People Pleaser

Still not sure if you’re a people-pleaser or just extremely kind to others? Here’s a look at some telltale signs of people-pleasing.

1. You say “yes” when you should say “no”


You might worry that telling someone “no” or turning down a request for help will make them think you don’t care about them.

Agreeing to do what they want might seem like a safer option, even if you don’t actually have the time or desire to help.

Many people agree to do something when they’d rather not, like helping someone move or lending money that isn’t in their budget to share.

But a pattern of this behavior can cause problems, since it tells other people that their needs come before yours.

It also shows that you might care too much about what people think about you or you compare yourself to others— a huge roadblock when it comes to focusing on your priorities and overall self-image.

Some people may abuse this, ignoring your boundaries because they know you’ll do what they want anyway.

2. You feel inauthentic 


People-pleasers often have a harder time recognizing how they really feel because they are so focused on being who other people want or need them to be.

Continuing to push your own needs to the side makes it harder to acknowledge them. Eventually, you might not even feel sure about what you want or how to be true to yourself.

You also may not be able to voice the feelings you are aware of, even when you want to speak up for yourself

For example, you might avoid telling your partner they made you feel bad, thinking something like, “They didn’t mean it, so if I say something, I’ll only hurt their feelings.”

But this denies the key fact of the situation: They hurt your feelings.

3. You feel resentful & bitter instead of happy and vibrant


One huge impact of people-pleasing is increased stress.

This can easily happen when you take on more than you can handle with the goal of supporting someone else.

You don’t just lose out on time for yourself. You also find yourself with less time for things you really need to do.

To get the bare essentials taken care of, you might end up working longer hours or going without sleep, eventually facing physical consequences of bitterness, worry, and stress.

How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

3 Steps To Overcome Being A People Pleaser

If you want to break the pattern of people-pleasing, recognizing how these habits show up in your life is a good first step. But knowing you have a problem isn’t always going to resolve it.

Follow these steps to make sure you remove any limiting beliefs around the need to please others:

1. Awareness


Recognizing your tendency to people-please is really the first and most important step to learning how to stop.

Try this exercise:

Sit down at the end of each day and look back at what you accomplished.

Think to yourself… Were the things you did that day what you wanted or needed to accomplish, or did your “to-do” list end up being filled up by other people’s requests?

The more you begin to identify your own needs and priorities, the easier it will be to begin to focus on what you want to accomplish, instead of being frustrated and overwhelmed by someone else’s agenda.


The more you begin to identify your own needs and priorities, the easier it will be to begin to focus on what you want to accomplish, instead of being frustrated and overwhelmed by someone else’s agenda.
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2. Understanding


Every moment you spend sacrificing your dreams and goals in order to please people is a moment you don’t have to spend on living the life you want! It’s time to stop worrying about what other people think!

When you understand that what other people think about you usually isn’t an accurate picture of who you are, you can really be free.

In fact, their opinion often isn’t even about you. It’s sometimes a reflection of how they feel about themselves.

So, stop worrying about what other people think — get over what I call “the attention addiction” — and start living the life you want!


Stop worrying about what other people think — get over what I call “the attention addiction” — and start living the life you want!
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3. Reconditioning


A favorite quote of mine, and one that I share with students often, says this: “True integrity is being able to decline a dinner invitation without giving a reason,” and it’s real. It’s the marker of true power.

Simply answering, “No, but thank you for the invitation,” is how you know you’ve grown and reconditioned your mind to not live your life based on what other people think.

But this doesn’t just happen – it’s a practice. It’s something you have to do every single day. It’s the marker of true power.

Recognize what you want to do, what you can do, and forget the rest.


True integrity is being able to decline a dinner invitation without giving a reason. It’s the marker of true power. Recognize what you WANT to do, what you CAN do, and forget the rest and DO it.
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The 3-step process above is an incredible system for overcoming any limiting beliefs you may have.
Check out this FREE worksheet to help you identify any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back and sabotaging you from getting the success and results you’re looking for! 

Download Your Free Worksheet HereHow to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

What Would Life Be Like If You Could Stop Worrying About What Others Think?

Imagine for a moment what life would be like if you didn’t care about other people’s opinions…

Would you be self-centered and egotistical, or would you be set free to fulfill your true purpose without being held back by the fear of rejection?

If you want to move forward in your life, you have to stop worrying about what other people think! While seeking approval in some areas of our lives can be healthy and even necessary, it becomes toxic when it starts to control your life. Learn how to break free of worrying about what other people think. 

I hope you will use the concepts from my video to start trusting in yourself more than you believe what other people think or say about you.

And if you’d like to dive deeper with me into discovering how to take control of your mind, develop self-trust, and become a powerful spiritual warrior, I’ve got something you’re going to love. 

I reveal the most important mindset secrets that have fueled my own journey to incredible wealth and success in my signature web class called,  

Don’t Believe A Thought You Think.

And I want to share this information with you… for FREE. 

I hope you’ll join me, and I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.

Take the first step in trusting yourself by signing up. Start building that muscle and change your life. 

Click here to find the best time and date for you.5-steps-more-confidence-free-webclass-t-harv-eker

How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

 

 

 

 

 

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Why Saying “No” Can Be The Best Thing You Can Do For Yourself

Why Saying “No” Can Be The Best Thing You Can Do For Yourself

How do you start and decide when to stop taking things on? When do you say, “enough is enough,” and you’ve reached your max? 

In the video above, I share several tips to help you avoid that feeling of burnout and learn how to confidently say, “no.” 

If you’re ready to learn more, read on.

“Saying ‘yes’ to one thing means saying ‘no’ to something else.”

The above statement is a quote I hear so often, and it couldn’t be more true.

When you say ‘yes’ to everything, what’s the chance of you doing a good job on everything? Very unlikely.

Agreeing to take too much on your plate could potentially lead to serious burnout.

It’s a time struggle — you only have so much of it. It’s impossible to do everything – and even more impossible to do everything well. 

When you say yes to something, keep in mind that it means closing the door to something else – which is absolutely okay. 

Life is full of choices, and the choices you make lead you down your life path (which is different for everyone)! These choices make you – you.

Why Saying

When You Say “Yes,” You’re Trading In Your Time & Effort 

Can you handle more on your plate? Will you have to give up something else that you enjoy?

What opportunity does this offer to you and your life? What are the pros and the cons?

And the most critical question to ask yourself; do you want to do what you’re being asked to do? Is it going to take away from more important things in your life — bigger priorities? 

It’s about stress management and self-care. You want to truly be able to enjoy your life.

But if your life is filled with things you said ‘yes’ to – but don’t really want to do (or don’t really fulfill you), you aren’t really living a Level 10 Life.

Below are a few tell-tale signs of overwhelm and an incessant desire to always say “Yes”…

1. You never have enough time for the things that make you happy.


We all go through busy seasons. You may have a couple weeks where you just don’t have a chance to sit down. That’s life. 

But if those busy seasons happen more often than not, you might be headed straight for a brick wall called “burnout.”

If this sounds like your life, you need to focus on setting boundaries. Saying ‘no’ won’t make you a jerk. In fact, it makes you responsible and more reliable! And you need to take responsibility for your own life and your goals.

Narrowing down that “to-do” list and removing things that don’t serve you or make you happy is the first step to living life on your terms. 

Once you identify the things that are most important to you and eliminate the things that aren’t, you free yourself up to achieve the success you’ve been searching for. 

 2. You’re worried about the future instead of being focused on the present. 


Let’s get to the root of what overwhelm is.

Overwhelm is the experience of fear, and fear is the feeling that there is not enough. Not enough time, enough resources, enough money, or a fear that if you don’t try to do it all, you may miss that big break. 

That fear is why overwhelm always feels bad. You may feel pressure, stress, or anxiety, but at the end of the day, it all boils down to fear.

So, how do you overcome that fear or limiting belief?

You could cut down on the to-do list. But in my experience, fear has so little to do with the things we’re doing, and so much more to do with our way of thinking

Unsure of what fears or limiting thoughts may be holding you back and sabotaging you from getting the success and results you’re looking for?
Check out this FREE worksheet!
How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

In order to manage your fear, you have to learn to manage your mind. 

That means every time you have a fear that’s causing you stress or holding you back, I want you to tell yourself, “That’s not helpful. I’m going to believe or think of something else.”

Then, take a moment to reframe it. For example, take the fear I mentioned earlier: “If I don’t take on this task at work, my boss won’t think I’m qualified.”

Stop and think: Where did that come from? Did it come from other people? Is it based on what other people think? Is it true? 

Bottomline:

Fear is merely the anticipation of pain. That said, you have the choice to let it go and believe something else.

Why would you want to cut yourself off from being successful now just because you’re worried about something that might happen in the future?

I always say, “Why don’t we just cross that bridge when we get there? How about you become super successful now, and worry about any problems as they come up?”

Once you stop worrying about what’s going to happen in the future and start living in the moment, you’ll be amazed at how much progress you make in a short time.

While your fear may not go away, reassurance can help train your mind for handling this emotion in a more productive way.

The next time fear stops you in your tracks, you’ll be better prepared to realize that you can manage whatever comes your way. You’ll know that the worst-case scenario created by that fear simply isn’t going to happen.


In order to manage your fear, learn to manage your mind. Every time you have a fear that causes you stress or is holding you back, tell yourself, ‘That’s not helpful. I’m going to believe or think of something else.’
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Why Saying

How to Master Your Fear and Create Your Ultimate Life

So by now, you’re probably wondering how to start mastering your fear so you can create your ultimate life.

There are 3 essential keys to overcoming fear: awareness, understanding, and reconditioning or rewiring.

You have to recognize what you’re afraid of, confront it, and then change your thoughts and emotional reactions. Well, you’re certainly aware now, and you have a better understanding of fear. What’s left is rewiring. And  in order to rewire yourself around fear, and truly start living the life you want, you need to do two things:

1. You need to change the way you react to your thoughts.

2. You need to get in touch with what your ultimate life actually looks like.

You can’t really go anywhere if you don’t know where you’re headed, can you? You don’t just wander around hoping to get somewhere! You need a goal destination. Once you know where you’re going, then you can plan it out and take action!

Once you stop worrying about what’s going to happen in the future and start living in the moment, you’ll be amazed at how much progress you make in a short time.


You can’t really go anywhere if you don’t know where you’re headed, can you? You don’t just wander around hoping to get somewhere! You need a goal destination. Once you know where you’re going, then you can…
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Why Saying

How To Harness Your Inner Power: Think Big. Start Small

Start by joining us in my signature FREE class, Don’t Believe A Thought You Think, where I’ll show you proven techniques and strategies that you can use to instantly quiet your mind and help you to act in spite of any fears, doubts, or worries. Good or good?!

In this web class, you’ll also learn how to:

  • Increase your inner strength and confidence to take on any challenge that stands in the way of reaching your peak potential
  • Become incredibly trustworthy using my universal law, so that you not only trust yourself but also gain respect and trust from others
  • Unleash your “inner warrior” and empower yourself to take decisive action in spite of your fears, doubts, barriers, and obstacles
  • Become crystal clear about what you want, need, and deserve, so you can actually achieve your goals (instead of just dreaming about them)

Click here to register for FREE and select a date and time that works best for you. See you there!
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Why Saying

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