How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

People-pleasing might not sound all that bad. After all, what’s wrong with being nice to people and trying to help them out or make them happy?

But people-pleasing generally goes beyond simple kindness. The dictionary defines it as “a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires.”

You might go out of your way to do things for the people in your life, based on what you assume they want or need. You give up your time and energy to get them to like you.

This is how people-pleasing can cause trouble. The urge to have the approval of others can be damaging when we allow other people’s wants to have more importance than our own needs.

Watch my video above on how to kick the habit of people-pleasing or read on for key highlights!

stop being people pleaser sign

Why People-Pleasing May Not be Your Fault After All 

From an early age, we learned that to survive, we needed to have the approval of others. It was necessary. You understand that, right? So, from infancy until our late teens, we thrive on that approval. Because if you don’t, you’re pretty well dead.

The problem is that most of us carry that need for approval – that “survival mechanism” – into adulthood. It just takes a different form.

So there’s nothing wrong with looking for approval. In some cases, it’s helpful.

But when that need for approval runs your life as an adult, it can hurt you. 

I’ve compiled a list of a few habits you might have if you’re a people-pleaser.

If any of these habits sound like you, I invite you to keep reading to learn how to train your mind to work FOR you instead of against you. 


Most of us carry a for approval into adulthood. There’s nothing wrong with looking for approval. In some cases, it’s helpful. But when that need for approval runs your life as an adult, it can hurt you. 
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thumbs up stop being people pleaser

3 Signs That You’re A People Pleaser

Still not sure if you’re a people-pleaser or just extremely kind to others? Here’s a look at some telltale signs of people-pleasing.

1. You say “yes” when you should say “no”


You might worry that telling someone “no” or turning down a request for help will make them think you don’t care about them.

Agreeing to do what they want might seem like a safer option, even if you don’t actually have the time or desire to help.

Many people agree to do something when they’d rather not, like helping someone move or lending money that isn’t in their budget to share.

But a pattern of this behavior can cause problems, since it tells other people that their needs come before yours.

It also shows that you might care too much about what people think about you or you compare yourself to others— a huge roadblock when it comes to focusing on your priorities and overall self-image.

Some people may abuse this, ignoring your boundaries because they know you’ll do what they want anyway.

2. You feel inauthentic 


People-pleasers often have a harder time recognizing how they really feel because they are so focused on being who other people want or need them to be.

Continuing to push your own needs to the side makes it harder to acknowledge them. Eventually, you might not even feel sure about what you want or how to be true to yourself.

You also may not be able to voice the feelings you are aware of, even when you want to speak up for yourself

For example, you might avoid telling your partner they made you feel bad, thinking something like, “They didn’t mean it, so if I say something, I’ll only hurt their feelings.”

But this denies the key fact of the situation: They hurt your feelings.

3. You feel resentful & bitter instead of happy and vibrant


One huge impact of people-pleasing is increased stress.

This can easily happen when you take on more than you can handle with the goal of supporting someone else.

You don’t just lose out on time for yourself. You also find yourself with less time for things you really need to do.

To get the bare essentials taken care of, you might end up working longer hours or going without sleep, eventually facing physical consequences of bitterness, worry, and stress.

How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

3 Steps To Overcome Being A People Pleaser

If you want to break the pattern of people-pleasing, recognizing how these habits show up in your life is a good first step. But knowing you have a problem isn’t always going to resolve it.

Follow these steps to make sure you remove any limiting beliefs around the need to please others:

1. Awareness


Recognizing your tendency to people-please is really the first and most important step to learning how to stop.

Try this exercise:

Sit down at the end of each day and look back at what you accomplished.

Think to yourself… Were the things you did that day what you wanted or needed to accomplish, or did your “to-do” list end up being filled up by other people’s requests?

The more you begin to identify your own needs and priorities, the easier it will be to begin to focus on what you want to accomplish, instead of being frustrated and overwhelmed by someone else’s agenda.


The more you begin to identify your own needs and priorities, the easier it will be to begin to focus on what you want to accomplish, instead of being frustrated and overwhelmed by someone else’s agenda.
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2. Understanding


Every moment you spend sacrificing your dreams and goals in order to please people is a moment you don’t have to spend on living the life you want! It’s time to stop worrying about what other people think!

When you understand that what other people think about you usually isn’t an accurate picture of who you are, you can really be free.

In fact, their opinion often isn’t even about you. It’s sometimes a reflection of how they feel about themselves.

So, stop worrying about what other people think — get over what I call “the attention addiction” — and start living the life you want!


Stop worrying about what other people think — get over what I call “the attention addiction” — and start living the life you want!
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3. Reconditioning


A favorite quote of mine, and one that I share with students often, says this: “True integrity is being able to decline a dinner invitation without giving a reason,” and it’s real. It’s the marker of true power.

Simply answering, “No, but thank you for the invitation,” is how you know you’ve grown and reconditioned your mind to not live your life based on what other people think.

But this doesn’t just happen – it’s a practice. It’s something you have to do every single day. It’s the marker of true power.

Recognize what you want to do, what you can do, and forget the rest.


True integrity is being able to decline a dinner invitation without giving a reason. It’s the marker of true power. Recognize what you WANT to do, what you CAN do, and forget the rest and DO it.
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The 3-step process above is an incredible system for overcoming any limiting beliefs you may have.
Check out this FREE worksheet to help you identify any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back and sabotaging you from getting the success and results you’re looking for! 

Download Your Free Worksheet HereHow to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

What Would Life Be Like If You Could Stop Worrying About What Others Think?

Imagine for a moment what life would be like if you didn’t care about other people’s opinions…

Would you be self-centered and egotistical, or would you be set free to fulfill your true purpose without being held back by the fear of rejection?

If you want to move forward in your life, you have to stop worrying about what other people think! While seeking approval in some areas of our lives can be healthy and even necessary, it becomes toxic when it starts to control your life. Learn how to break free of worrying about what other people think. 

I hope you will use the concepts from my video to start trusting in yourself more than you believe what other people think or say about you.

And if you’d like to dive deeper with me into discovering how to take control of your mind, develop self-trust, and become a powerful spiritual warrior, I’ve got something you’re going to love. 

I reveal the most important mindset secrets that have fueled my own journey to incredible wealth and success in my signature web class called,  

Don’t Believe A Thought You Think.

And I want to share this information with you… for FREE. 

I hope you’ll join me, and I guarantee you’ll be glad you did.

Take the first step in trusting yourself by signing up. Start building that muscle and change your life. 

Click here to find the best time and date for you.5-steps-more-confidence-free-webclass-t-harv-eker

How to Stop People-Pleasing (And Still Be Nice)

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Powerful Ways to Develop A Growth Mindset

5 Powerful Ways to Develop A Growth Mindset

In the video above, I share 5 simple tips for developing a growth mindset. If you’re ready to get beyond your negative mindset (your #1 enemy from success) and live the life you really want, keep reading.

Your mind holds the power to help you succeed in any area of life…

But without a mindset focused on growth, that power can stay locked away.

Developing a growth mindset has become a popular topic in recent years because people have realized its huge impact on success potential.

But getting started can be confusing. True or true?

There’s been a flood of information from scientists, spiritual leaders, business icons, and celebrities who all have their own take on the subject.

That said, it’s hard to know where to start, and who to listen to, right?

The goal is to make it easier for you to start developing a growth mindset, so you can begin to reap the amazing benefits of wealth, health, and happiness. 

But before we get into the specific tips and strategies for having a growth mindset, let’s first dive into what a growth mindset really is…

how to develop a growth mindset instead of fixed mindset

What Is A Growth Mindset?

A growth mindset is simply this:

The belief that our basic abilities can be developed and improved through dedication and hard work. 

It’s not so much that this belief is some kind of magic — it’s just that without a growth mindset, we don’t give the effort we need to move forward, which keeps us perpetually “stuck.”

With a growth mindset, however, we can break through the “stuck-ness” and achieve the results we desire, whether that be at work, in our relationships, or in other areas of our lives.

On one level, it’s about wanting to create a better life and focusing on personal development so you can achieve it. That includes examining and changing your beliefs and thoughts.

In order to really reap the benefits of a growth mindset, there’s one fundamental belief that you must have, or adopt, to make growth possible, and that is the belief that you are capable of growing!

believe in yourself growth mindset


Harness The Belief That You Are Capable Of Growing

If you believe something is possible, you tend to find (or even create) proof that it is. And the opposite is also true.

Since your mind has such a big impact on the outcome of your life experience, you’re creating self-fulfilling prophecies every day.

Bottomline: Your results come down to what you believe in.

If you believe you can change, learn, and grow, you’ll likely find out that you’re right, and this opens up limitless possibilities for you.

And if you believe you’re stuck with whatever talents or traits you were born with, then you believe in a limited reality instead.

Why? 

Because your beliefs shape your outcome

So, if you want to be able to change and grow, the first belief you need to cultivate is that you can grow!

This is exactly what a growth mindset is all about— believing you have the ability to develop the skills and traits you need to achieve your goals.

Ready to learn how to develop a growth mindset? Read on to discover 5 powerful ways to harness a growth mindset!


If you want to be able to change and grow, the first belief you need to cultivate is that you CAN grow!
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5 Powerful Ways to Develop A Growth Mindset

5 Powerful Ways to Develop A Growth Mindset


1. Start with confidence

Growth starts in our mind, and without a strong sense of self-worth, it’s impossible to grow!

To develop a growth mindset, you have to recognize your worth and believe in your limitless potential. Let it build your self-esteem and self-confidence.


2. Be present

If you are focused on what happened to you in the past or looking forward to the future, then you are missing out on what is happening right now.

If you aren’t living in the NOW, then you are not only missing your own life, but you’ll never be truly happy. Living in the present can help you feel more in control, less stressed, and happier.


3. Provide value while doing something BIG

We all have a big vision – something exceptional, something we were created to do. But any big vision or success starts with a small first step.

When you pursue what you’re passionate about one step at a time, growth will follow.


4. Understand that nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give it

In short, you create your own reality. It’s as simple as that. If what you want is going to serve others as well as yourself, life expands that desire even more so, and will move to serve you.

Shift the fear of what you don’t want to happen, and turn that focus to what you do want to happen.


5. Believe that everything happens for a reason, and that reason is there to serve you

People who understand utilization don’t have a magic wand. They aren’t immune to bad things happening. In fact, they deal with the same upsets and setbacks as everybody else.

But what they have learned is that they have power. In the midst of everything that happens lies an opportunity. And the power lies in how we see and seize that opportunity.


Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is there to serve you.
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5 Powerful Ways to Develop A Growth Mindset

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

What’s stopping you from achieving everything you want in life? Do you have beliefs that are preventing you from succeeding? At the end of the day, a belief is only a belief — you have the free will to change your beliefs whenever you choose to. When you begin shifting your beliefs toward growth, the sky’s the limit!

If limiting beliefs are affecting your future, there is a way to change them! Join me as my special guest for my free web class: 

“Don’t Believe A Thought You Think” 

In this free class, you’ll also learn:

  • A common money belief that 90% of people have, which can ruin the chances of creating wealth — and how to overcome it
  • How to easily defeat fear so you’ll never be held back from achieving success
  • The secret that helps you make money while achieving fulfillment and purpose
  • The two critical words used in a multimillionaire’s vocabulary
  • How to discover the business or career that’s perfect for you

And much, much more!

Click here to select a date and time that works best for you. See you there!
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Let’s encourage each other! If you already have a growth mindset, how has it changed your life? If you’re working toward a growth mindset, what will you change to overcome challenges? Let us know in the comments below.

5 Powerful Ways to Develop A Growth Mindset

 

 

 

 

 

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